Women struggle constantly between conveying and understanding their sexuality with their partners. There are many myths about women and sexuality. The five myths of women and sexuality discussed below are ones that I clarify the most in my private practice.
Myth 1. Women don’t crave sex as much as men do.
Men are taught that they are cooler based on the number of women they have sex with or hook up with. Women are taught to be the keeper of innocence and purity so many don’t allow their desires and needs for sex to be acknowledged. Many women think of sex as more of an emotional connection rather than a physical one because society has continued to reinforce this thinking. This antiquated thinking causes pressure on men and women alike to measure up to what it means to be sexual in society.
Research studies have learned when women find someone that they connect with and are attracted to, women admit they crave sex as much as men do. Research also indicates when a woman is in a long term relationship, she tends to feel more comfortable opening up about her sexual cravings. Some studies have suggested that women are less suitable for monogamy then men when asked about sexual needs, cravings, and variety.
Myth 2. It’s OK to fake an orgasm
Many women fake orgasms. Sometimes it is not a big deal BUT most of the time faking an orgasm only hurts the experience. When a woman fakes an orgasm a few things happen. First, the woman’s needs are not met. There isn’t a good reason why a woman shouldn’t enjoy and be able to have an orgasm. When a woman fakes it, she is taking away the opportunity for her partner to learn more about what makes her feel good during sex. The nuances such as what makes you tick, or how to connect with you on a deeper level.
When your partner finds out, it can hurt them too because it causes distrust during intimacy. They think you are enjoying things and then become disappointed with themselves and you when they learn otherwise due to the lack of communication. The big “O” can release hormones that connect you more closely with your partner so you can benefit by working on your orgasms together.
Myth 3. Women usually orgasm from penetration.
About 75-80% of women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. In a study with 1055 women ages, 18-94 found that only 18.4% said that intercourse alone was enough for an orgasm. There are so many differences in women regarding pleasure from pressure, position, the shape of the female body, and types of touch can make a whole lot of difference with each woman you encounter. There are unrealistic expectations with men and women when it is assumed women mainly orgasm through penetration. It puts too much pressure on both people to perform. Most women need more than penetration to achieve orgasm. By understanding and accepting this then it takes away the pressure to allow more focus on pleasure.
Myth 4. If you’re aroused, you shouldn’t need lubricant.
Your wetness is not an indicator of your arousal level. There are many reasons why you are not getting as wet as an ocean or you feel dry like the Sahara. Know that as long as you have the desire, there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes women just need a little extra lube to help get going. Stress is a contributing factor and so are medications. Birth controls, antidepressants, and antihistamines can cause dryness. Ask yourself, are you are into the moment or is your head wandering? Smoking and drinking dehydrate you so look at your lifestyle to see if anything could be affecting your lubrication. Have a check-up with your gynecologist to be sure there is nothing medically going on. In the meantime, get yourself a great silicone lube that coats the skin and gives you great lubrication without the friction.
Myth 5. You can be addicted to a vibrator.
The simple response is no, you can’t be “addicted” to your vibrator. A vibrator will not produce withdrawal symptoms and a vibrator is not a substance, it’s a tool to help with your sexual experience. Plus, the feeling from the chemicals that are released after an orgasm is healthy for you and makes you feel good. That being said, if you are using a vibrator often and you feel less sensitive to your partner or yourself, just use the vibrator less and try different positions with it to give yourself different sensations.
Which of the 5 myths of women and sexuality can you relate to? Depending upon their situation, each of these 5 sex myths can cause many women to feel inadequate, insecure, or even judge. Knowing the truth can help you move forward in a positive way and knowing more about your sexuality can bring your sexual experiences to the next level.